The Antidote to Compassion Fatigue
What is compassion fatigue?
Compassion fatigue can be defined as feeling dead inside when asked to give to anyone in need. There are so many different requests for donations. There are so many requests for donations from a single charity. Individuals want our money. Organizations want our money. There are requests for donations at the checkout lines at our grocery stores. When we are stopped at traffic lights, volunteers walk from car to car, asking for money to support voluntarily funded but essential services. If we allow it to happen, it’s easy to shut down our hearts and our compassion.
Perhaps some of these people with compassion fatigue used to feel some emotion when asked to give. Did they really want to give but didn’t think they had the funds? Did they not receive what they requested when they asked others to help them? If so, are they allowing the memory of that rejection to keep them emotionally separated from their equally deserving brothers and sisters?
With your permission, I’m here to offer an alternative view of compassion fatigue, a view that might help you help many others without feeling financially put upon.
Perhaps you recall I asked for funds last spring so that I could travel for the first time in five years. Travel is really good for people whose brains are recovering from strokes. Getting to new places and having new experiences in new places compels us to move through our lives differently. Doing things differently helps to stimulate parts of the brain that have long been dormant.
The last time I had money for travel was four months after the big stroke of 2012. I went to Canada for brain training. I met many wonderful people who said nice things to me, opened their homes to me, met me at the train station, helped me obtain what I needed, and treated me with love and respect. I came home feeling newly good about myself and newly optimistic about my future.
Once again, I felt it was time to travel somewhere, even if for just one night, to help me in my recovery.
My fundraising initiative brought in enough money to buy a couple of tanks of gas. I couldn’t afford a trip, even an overnight getaway. I’d never asked for money before, and I felt awkward doing it. I pushed through my awkwardness. I asked strangers to help me, something I don’t like to do, and I received all my funds from two friends. I’d exposed my present circumstances for nothing. I felt a yucky nakedness I never felt before and hope to never feel again.
Many people are stretched to their financial limit these days. It’s all they can do to pay their monthly bills, let alone help one of the many, many strangers asking for assistance. I understood this while feeling awkward and disposable.
One of my neighbors went beyond my words and offered me something wonderful.
He’d seen my request for donations on social media. He didn’t give me money. He gave me the gift of his presence. He gave me the gift of his friendship.
My neighbor owns a canoe. He understood my need to get away. He couldn’t fund my trip, but he offered to take me for a ride in his canoe. How generous! He offered to spend some of his valuable time away from work with me! I wanted new experiences. This was a new experience!
He strapped his canoe to the roof of his SUV early one spring morning and we were off. He drove the canoe, me, and himself to a pond maybe thirty minutes from our neighborhood. I’ve crossed the little bridge that spans the pond hundreds of times during the many years I’ve lived in this area but never before noticed the pond that’s far below the roadway. It’s quite a large pond, well over 100 acres. It spans several towns. I couldn’t believe I didn’t know the pond existed.
I wore my parka, Russian hat and heavy gloves for our ride. I think the temperature was a few degrees above freezing when we pushed away from the shore. He rowed the canoe around most of the pond directing me to sit back and enjoy. He rowed us near the dam, he rowed us through the large expanse of open water, he rowed us past pondfront homes, he rowed us through tiny passages covered with fresh spring green vines that were just large enough to accommodate us.
The temperature steadily climbed. I unzipped my parka and took off my gloves and Russian hat. I loved the feel of the breeze lifting my hair. The sun warmed us both. The weather was perfect.
We felt peaceful. It was hard to believe we were just a few miles from heavily traveled highways. We waved at a blue heron, we greeted the ducks and geese, we floated. His seat wobbled. He realized the canoe’s seat needed repairs, so he sat on the floor and rowed.
We were mostly silent, each of us having our own experience. I felt newly inspired by the beauty of nature. I felt uplifted by this miracle of new travel. I felt perfectly cared for by the Universe. I felt grateful for my neighbor’s compassion. I felt peaceful. Even though I didn’t have the funds to travel as I’d hoped, I felt I was on a vacation far from my home.
Our three hour tour ended. It was time for my neighbor to get ready to go to work. If I concentrate on my heart, I can bring back the feeling of complete freedom and joy I experienced on that lake. The day was magical, made even more magical by the way it happened. The neighbor and I aren’t close friends, I never expected him to offer me a ride on his canoe, but it all happened and it all was magical. Life can indeed be magical!
What did I want? I wanted to feel the way I’d felt during my last vacation. I wanted someone to say nice things to me, drive me somewhere, and treat me with love and respect. I wanted to be treated with compassion.
Even if I didn’t have the funds to travel, my wish came true.
Do you have compassion fatigue? Do you feel put upon by people and organizations asking you for money you don’t feel you can spare?
Life happens to everyone. I used to have money that got used up paying for my mother’s medical expenses and my stroke recovery. If I had it to do again, I would make my mother’s health care my priority, and I would make my wellness my priority. Other people go through their own life circumstances, taking care of themselves and their loved ones going through transitional times that cause them to lose the financial cushion they once had. It may well happen to you. How will you feel in this situation? How will you feel if people lose their natural compassion and close their hearts to you?
It’s not about money. It can be about money but it doesn’t have to be about money. I used to know someone who often said, “It’s not my money, it’s God’s money.” God is love. God is compassion. It’s about being love and compassion to others and allowing others to be love and compassion to you.
We can understand that people who ask for money are valuable people and deserve to be treated with love and respect, and we can understand that people who give money are valuable people who deserve to be treated with love and respect. When we feel this truth deep within our hearts, compassion fatigue melts away and is replaced by love.
If you cannot offer money, can you offer love? Can you offer your presence? Can you offer your friendship? Can you offer respect? Can you offer your prayers? Can you offer others an experience that helps them know that someone in this transitional world cares about them?
Can you offer a ride on your canoe?
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